Lord of The Onion Rings
by ROBLOXCATSTORM
Summary: this is not like that other one. this is a real plot. REAL PLOT. i made it up all by myself and my brother when we turned off the volume on the tv and talked while the movie was playing. i like the books better and i only saw part of the movie so it is more like the books i like them better. except i dont know what the ending is because i didnt finish the last one ok
1. Chapter 1

_**lORD OF THE ONION RINGS ; INSPIRED BY THE MUTING OF LORD OF THE RINGS AND THE SUBSEQUENT FILL-INS**_

by robloxcatstorm

chapter vun

one day, frodo baggins was just walking around his home town of the shire. but he noticed that strange creatures with long ears putting up a building. so he decided to go talk to the foreigners.

"hey elves, what are you doing here?" he inquired.

"we're building a McElfdalds," said the elves. "we were forced to flee from our home so we built our family chain here."

"what do you sell?" asked frodo. he really didn't know what they were talking about.

"you don't know what we're talking about?" inquired a female elf. "McElfdalds is a chain of inns that sell delicious and easy to make food for the convenience of travelers and cooks!" she said almost robotically.

frodo looked skeptical. "i'll believe it when i see it," he said. "nice seeing some elves in town."

so then it turned out to be his uncle bilbo's birthday. "dude frodo, i am supposed to be 110," he said, "but i'm actually about your age. does this make sense to you? it's like i'll never be old and smelly or anything."

"cool uncle bil," said frodo. "why is that?"

"because i have an onion ring from the most adventurous of adventures that i took when i was about your - oh wait, i am your age. hee hee. anyway it's a magic ring that slows your age but also makes you..."

"what?"

well bilbo was slipping the greasy ring off his impossibly young finger. and then as he said that he had a stroke and turned to dust. :)

end chapter vun


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER DOO

frodo was sad that his uncle was dead but he always kind of hated him for being able to go on an adventure with cool dwarves so he was a little morbidly pleased. he put the fried ring on his finger. it burned a little because it was so hot. but then there was a resounding knock on bilbo's former door.

it was GANDALF and he was a wizard man. impossibly tall. impossibly old. also impossibly... forget it i'll tell you later. anyway he came in with a hearty smile and was going to congratulate old/young bilbo for his 110th birthday or whatever when he noticed the pile of bilbo-like dust. he could tell it was bilbo because it had the faint aura of any who wore the ring and gandalfs wizardy insight knew only frodo had it. this explanation was unneccessary.

"hey dude is that bilbo?" he asked

"yeah"

"bummer"

so gandalf took the ashes and threw them into the fire like any sane wizard. then he noticed the onion ring upon the finger of frodo.

"hey frodo i know where your uncle got that. want me to tell you a radical story about its secret origin"

"but then it won't be a secret :("

"i don't care, this is important," he said. "once upon a time there was a very very very very very very very fat elf."

"was he as fat as-" but frodo was cut off again by gandalf!

"anyway, he was tired of eating regular fast food. so he called upon a minor chef. his name, dude, i can't say it now but he was pretty cool back then. so this guy made the most delicious stuff, i even had some once. so he made for this elfy dude:

'one burger to fill them,  
one smoothie to buy them,  
one onion to keep them in oil and fry them'

and the elf took one sip of the smoothie and passed out from the sheer amount of sugar. the other foods were scattered across the globe. bilbo (that poor young but old guy) stole this onion ring from this crotchety old fella named gollum and then he gave it to you."

"so what does it do other than making me young?" asked frodo.

"it can make you..." and then gandalf fell asleep because the sheer girth of the situation was overwhelming and there aren't any fans in the shire even on hot days.

END OF CHAPTER DOO


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER TREE

so frodo was pretty angry because no one ever told him the OTHER SECRET of the onion ring. so frodo decided to get his merry band of troublemakers together for the gaffs and go find this morbidly obese elf. his friends included merry, pippin, and samwise. merry was a pretty cool guy and laid back. pippin was on edge a lot. sam was just old sam, simple minded and happy. and they all met a few days later at the new Elfdonalds.

so they were all sitting at a table ordering mugs of frothy grease. frodo had a lemonade.

"so where are we headed?" asked pips.

"i don't know, wherever 'Rivendeli' is," said Frodo. He didn't even have a map. How's that for an adventure, old sport?

Sam then said, "It's okay, we can ask the elves for directions." So they did.  
but first the food came. there were big elfburgers and salt-coated tree fries. frodo picked out scraps of flimsy lettuce and apples that hadn't been tainted by the caramel.

samwize had a whoppin' ham elfburger. frodo watched as his teeth bit into the hard bun like the titanic sinking into the sea; slanted to get the best edge on the bite. juice oozed from the pores of the skins of both hobbit and prey. it was almost romantic. frodo began to sweat but calmed himself. it was only fast food, it was not his, he would never give in to its delectable, sodium-soaked lure.

frodo promised himself never to tell another soul of his vision.

so then after exiting Elfdonalds the merry band with their cholesterol tanks refilled asked for some advice from a circle of heavily pimpled young elves. they couldn't have been more than 180 i think.

the elves were like "you don't want to go to Rivendeli any more." apparently rivendeli was once a land of the freshest processed meat and cheese, ripe . nowadays it had become an even grimier rest stop after the soil disappeared for good. there were new visitors too. they were talking in whispers about some idiotic shadowy beings who were taking over and looking for the onion ring.

suddenly frodo was scared.

"I don't think we should do this, after all, we can just give them it," said Merry.  
"no way, man. i can be young forever and watch everyone die," replied frodo rashly.

dude frodo what is his problem? what a selfish little punk. anyway they set off and trespassed in an angry farmer's yard but quickly got to a cool forest.

HOWEVER

there were some shadowy guys walking down the path. their capes billowed behind them and contrary to several characters in this story, they were very limber and strong. frodo and co had to hide because these strange men were probably evil and they rode on very very bony and half starved horses. it was hard to hide in the bushes because i mean seriously, bushes.

sam looked at frodo. "i don't even know who they are and i already want to beg for mercy at their semi-coherent feet."

END CHAPTER TREE


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPDAR POUR

so frodo and co. decided that they had to go through a dumb forest to get to the elves. this forest was not very dumb, though, because the trees in it were actually kind of intelligent. so they found the biggest tree eventually and it started to tear at their flesh with its branches.

"How do we get out of this metaphorical pickle?" asked Frodo.

"I DON'T KNOW AAAAA" said Samwise as the tree tried to rip at the delicious, juicy hobbit rib platter.

So then a man who was indescribably moreso than everyone else came playing a flute made from several french fries and singing. through his merry songs he introduced his mass as "TOM BOMBYDILL."

he then swept away the awashed hobbitmans and took them to his MANOR OF THE GOLDEN ARCH. it rested its architectural girth on a cliff beneath a tree that bore seedless maraschino cherries and its sap was of the purest red dye 40.

There they stayed for days, eating and singing with his happy although more elf-y wife and he. but FRODO did not want to eat. he was too worried about the effects of the onion ring.

"BOY," said TOM BOMBYDILL. "YOU NEED TO EAT OR YOU'LL START LOOKING MALNUTRITIOUS!"

FRODO HEARING THE WILD CALL OF NOT EATING tom'S FOOD WENT OUTSIDE AND STRIPPED AT THE BARK OF THE TREES FOR SOME WORMS BUT THE WORMS WERE PRETTY SO HE STOPPED AND ATE SOME GRASS BUT IT TOO WAS.

frodo was afraid.

there was NOTHING to eat that wasn't.

TOM BOMBADIL.

fertilizer.

CERTIFIED.

EEND UF CHAPPA FOR


End file.
